Scared of the future.
I awoke to the silence of what was a busy street a few hours before. Moments before I climbed out of a bad dream, I was trapped in a world where I was fighting for us. However, it was only me that was doing the fighting. I ran the streets frantically trying to find you. After what seemed like ages in a dream, I found myself looking at you through a restaurant window. I wasn’t relieved to have found you. In fact, I felt this rush of bitterness that took hold of me when I saw what you were doing and who you were with. Have I just been playing your game this whole time? Just before I could confront you, my consciousness brought me back to the empty night. It’s the silence of what was a busy street a few hours before.
Start at 1:20
“This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have”
to retain the truth when the taste of it being kept inside me makes me want to hurl. Every time I exhale, it’s like a little bit of how I felt wants to be made known. It runs through my veins like poison; I’m simply waiting for the day when it takes its toll on me.
The moments when I’m alone, whether I’m at the gym or waiting for the bus, I’m usually deep in thought. I try to think through all the issues and ordeals I’ve been experiencing, but sometimes it’s hard to think rationally when I’m the main character of the story. You know how people say it’s like you’re in a hurricane, and only the people outside of it can save you?
Maybe I just need someone to bounce ideas off of. I may not necessarily follow everything, but it’s good to have a second opinion. It’s nice to have someone tell you if you’re thinking rationally or you’re just acting out of the whim. I’m usually good at judging these kinds of things, but when it’s my problem, I have no idea what the right thing to do is.
Maybe it’s just me over-thinking. Or maybe I’m just overreacting.
Or maybe..
it’s you.
Showed love to you n-, you ripped out my heart
and you stepped on I, I picked up the pieces before you swept on it
Dang, these things leave a mess, don’t it?
It’s feelin’ like death, don’t it?
It’s funny how many little insignificant things add up to create something that can ruin a whole day. What is this? How can everything be so perfectly wrong that can make a whole day go down the drain? You can play your whole day, and of course you don’t expect everything to go according to plan, but how could you expect nothing to go according to plan?
During the times when you cross my mind, I sometimes purposely block the thought of you because it might all just be a dream.
I give more than I take. You take more than you give. Equilibrium seems to be an impossibility.
